Good Morning, 21st of September 2021

Good morning, folks! How are we all doing this morning? I am knackered. The short of it is I’ve not slept properly for over a week now. When I do sleep its not good sleep. I more often than not wake up feeling like I’ve been in a street fight.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to take the rest of the month off from writing. I’m not writing at the moment, so this kind of feels like one of those things where I’m making an announcement that’s not going to change anything. It is though. I will guilt trip myself till the cows come how if I don’t do any writing, which just adds to my anxiety levels (which are always worse when I’m tired).

So, the vague plan is to not do any writing work till October. I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment and this’ll let me refocus my attention properly. It’ll give me time to try and catch up on sleep via naps, and not slamming myself for napping and not writing will help.

Sometimes we all need to take some pressure off ourselves. This is me doing that. I do have a lot going on, and the next ten days or so I’ve got a lot I need to focus on.

I have got a couple fantastic little irons in the fire at the moment with writing, so this isn’t because I’m feeling down about writing. It’s just something needed to give, and writing is the most flexible part of my DNA.

When I dit down again in October I’ve got NaNoWriMo to think about (YAY!!!!!), and a couple of short stories I’ll be looking to get drafts of done.

So, lots going on with writing. The passion is still there and strong, I just need a breather from it to focus on other areas of life. And not for nothing, when I get back to it in October I’ll be very reenergised.

Good Evening, 18th of September 2021

Good evening! How’s everyone doing?

No writing today, long shift at the day job. I’ve got another one tomorrow as well, so not a lot go writing this weekend.

I have had some amazing feedback on my story that is in the K is for Kidnap anthology from another one of the contributors which has made my day! I had a lot of anxiety about this story. I didn’t think it was good enough, which is a testament to the old saying ‘never judge your own work’. That feels so apt at the moment. I’ve got to get over my anxieties about my own work.

Right, I’m wiped out. So I’m going to finish this episode of Sex Education and then get my head down. After a little reading maybe.

I will pimp out my Buy Me A Coffee page quickly. If you like what you read here, or have read and enjoyed my fiction and would like to chip in for editing, cover art, website hosting fees. Then I will be very grateful. I understand times are tough, folks. I do. But anything I’m grateful for.

Be kind, folks. Life’s better being kind.

17th September 2021

Good evening, folks!

I edited 9694 words today on a story called Robert. Yes, I’m still holding off editing on Sweet Danny. Just need to get my head around it more.

I like Robert. I think it’s a good story and is part of a bigger universe that I’m enjoying working on.

At the moment I feel like my head is being pulled in twenty different directions when it comes to writing. And I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere at the moment. I know I am, but it feels like I’m not.

I need to change that, I’m making progress but it’s just not as quick as I’ve convinced myself it needs to be.

16/9/21

Good evening folks! How are we all doing tonight?

After work I ended up having a bit of a busy afternoon with some errands that needed to be ran that I wasn’t expecting today. They’re done and dusted and out of the way now though. It did mean I didn’t get any writing done. By the time they were done, combined with the early start and the lack of sleep that early starts treat me too, I’m wiped out.

Tomorrow I want to edit Sweet Danny. I’m pretty sure I know what changes I want to make with it to get it where it needs to be.

I would love to get some words in as well, but I’m kind of on a position where I’ve got more editing to do. Not the kind where I’m editing the same story a billion times, but short stories that I’ve written over the last few months that need a little tidying up before I shoot them off to beta readers.

Right, I’m going to try and sleep. Wish me luck!

Raven ‘helping’ yesterday! 🤣

15th September 2021

Good evening, folks!

I didn’t do any editing on Sweet Danny, I think I want to have a little more time while I process a few of the suggestions from beta readers and what I want to do with it.

It wasn’t a no work day though, I got 8021 words edited on a story set in the Penal Earth world after the day job. I still need to do a lot of work on it but I’ve got a good idea of what I want to do with it now and I don’t think it’s going to take too much to get it there.

I do want to get Sweet Danny and the zombie book edited this month. I just need to get myself psyched up to get stuck into the zombie one. It needs a lot of work and is rather daunting, but with the format of the book I can break it down into three parts and tackle it that way.

This little impromptu break from writing this las week or so has proved quite beneficial in that the creative gears are beginning to turn on a few stories that I’ve been struggling to get a handle on. Most of these stories are short stories and I’m aiming to have a couple of of these done, well drafts at least.

Right, I’m off to maybe watch a movie. Then bed.

Rock on, folks!

Yes, I know style! 🤣🤣🤣

12th August 2021

Good evening folks! How are we all doing tonight?

I wrote 740 words this morning and managed to finish a first draft of a story which has been a little difficult at times. Homestead is one that’s had a couple of false starts but I’m pleased I’ve finally got something I can now go back and tidy up and then wrap it up. I like how the story has gone as well.

It was a bit of a struggle to get going this morning. I woke up late and had plans this afternoon, so not much time to write. So I’m glad I got that 740 words done.

I’ve enjoyed this week off, but I’m looking forward to being back at work next week. I’m not back in at my store till Wednesday, but have a short training course at another store tomorrow. Which is really alien to me as I’ve never had to do a course before, well not since college.

Right, I’m off to bed. Have an awesome one, folks!

Realising The Fear

Wednesday really did open my eyes up to a lot of myself. One of which was writing my thoughts down. This is something I’ve known I’ve wanted to do for a long time but I’ve never been able to do it. I’m not really sure why but I think it might be a combination of the new medication I’m on, I’m having a little therapy, and it feels like something broke or changed in me on Wednesday.

Realising just how much fear and anxiety have ruled my life has been devastating in one degree, but freeing in another.

Fear was something we touched on in therapy on Monday, and I’m glad we did. The therapist recommended a book about fear that I listened to a big chunk of on the journey to and from the coast on Wednesday. And I think where it was something that we’d spoken about on the Monday I had realised that I was scared of everything and the therapist talked to me about it. Then going down the coast on Wednesday pushed open the door that was unlocked on Monday.

I’m finding this book really helpful.

I think about the excuses I used to make. For not going to the beach it’ll be things like I don’t like getting my feet sandy, or wet, or both. Or getting sand in my car (I was a var cleaner for almost 20 years, sand is a nightmare to get out of a cars carpets), but that doesn’t matter. It’s just sand. It was fear defeating me.

Even simple things like sitting in my garden to write or read. I wouldn’t do it, it would rarely even enter my head. The last couple of mornings I’ve made a cuppa tea and then gone out and had my tea while writing my thoughts done as the dog is running around doing his business.

This morning I was sitting there in shorts, t shirt, a hoodie and my sandals. I had Max jump up on the seat next to me as I wrote. It was chilly this morning. We’re moving into autumn here in the UK (almost halloween season!!!!!), so the weather is cooling and after a while I did retreat into the house. I am going to keep going out there till the weather is too brisk for my taste.

One of the fears I’ve had the last few days is that I wouldn’t be able to sit and writer as freely inside as I have been outside, but I managed to do it okay today. I’m not sure I can write like that when I’ve got loved ones around me, simply because of the distraction but I’ll give it a go at some point.

My fear seems to be focused on failure or disaster. If I drive somewhere I could be in a crash. But that could happen driving to work. It doesn’t stop me doing that. Yes, I could crash but the odds are massive of that happening.

As for failure. Well, it’s a case ‘well what happens if my book doesn’t do well?’ that’s something I can’t control. The best thing I can do it write the next story. If I play online and join a group doing a team mission and I screw up, what’s it matter? It’s not the end of the world. Learn the lessons from it and try again.

I only fail when I don’t try. When fear stops me. I’ve lived in a state of fear my whole life.

I’m not doing it anymore.

My eyes are open, I’m realising what I can do to move forward and over come this fear.

I’m going to do what scares me. I’m not fearing the anxiety I used to.

I am moving forward.

11th of September 2021

Good evening, folks!

Well, I think I did have the productive day I was aiming for.

I got up at a decent time, made tea and sat in the chilly morning air in the garden wand wrote some more thoughts down. I’ll put those in another post. After the tea and morning thoughts I ran into town for a few bits for my folks. I finally got Max a couple more balls for him to chase around the garden.

I got some writing administration work done, then I got stuck into some words. A nice 710 was written on a short story. Then I gamed, took Max for a walk, read, then gamed, dinner, washing up, and now I’m watching a movie and writing this post.

I don’t normally break my days down like this, and looking back it doesn’t feel like I’ve done a lot today but that’s because I only wrote 710 words. I keep reminding myself its not just about words. It’s about progression of the story, and I progressed the story today.

I’ve got plans tomorrow afternoon, but in the morning I’m going to try and get some words wrangled again. I was planning on getting a lot of writing done this week, but I’ve spent the week working on myself. It’s been freeing this week, and I need to keep that forward progression of myself as well as my fiction going as well.

10/9/21

Good evening, folks!

I managed to write 417 words this afternoon. I’ve put writing on the back burner this week while I’ve been off work, and focused on a lot of self-care and improvement. it finally feels like I can start opening up about a lot of things and I’m keen to keep going with it.

I will be blogging about a lot of this stuff. Not all, obviously. There’s somethings I have no intention of sharing publicly but I’ve got a lot I think I will share. Men aren’t mean to show weakness, which is bullshit. If me opening up about the struggles I’ve had in life help others feel confident enough to speak up and ask for help then it’s all worth it.

Right, I’m just settling into a movie. I’m going to try and have a ‘get shit done’ day tomorrow. Check back here tomorrow to see how I got along.

Rock on, folks!

Max not helping me write 🙄

7th of August 2021

Good evening, folks!

I didn’t get much writing done, well any writing done. I set my goals for this month and my plan for the week and then prepped for an appointment I had this afternoon.

I can announce that my short story Mother Is God is being published in the K is for Kidnap anthology from Red Cape Publishing.

This is the short story I mentioned the other day and I’m super excited to be a part of this anthology and the series overall.

Right, I’m gonna wrap it there. I’ve got a few things on but I will be finding time to write.

Rock on, Folks!

Settling in to watch The Descent last night 😊