I’m A Stress Eater

When I’m stressed out I overeat. When I was younger it was really bad. I’d eat two or three bars/bags of chocolate a day, and I’m talking the large share bags/bars of chocolate not the little ones you get at a newsagents.

It’s a coping method and something I just did. There wasn’t any thought going into it and it’s not been till the last few years where I’ve started connecting the dots and realising its a problem. I try and figure out what pushed me to food, and I find I’m a little grateful I wasn’t going out drinking in those days. Addiction is something that I’ve always feared, so I never really drank too much alcohol and definitely never did any illegal drugs or abuse legal drugs. I didn’t realise that sugar was sneaking in and claiming me, not until many many years later. I used to think ‘at least I’m not an addict’ not realising there was more to addiction than alcohol and what I thought of as drugs.

As I’ve got older its harder to eat as much, and that’s coincided with me realising it’s a problem. And in particular the last eighteen months or so it’s something I’ve been trying to manage better, not very successfully but I’m trying. Writing this post will hopefully help with that as it’s admitting it in such an open forum.

This is a very big bar of chocolate, and I only ate a little of it and have the rest for other days.

I’m listening to my body a lot more, and that’s something which feels like it’s changing. I used to stuff my face and then wonder why I was feeling rough, totally ignoring the tub of ice cream I’d just eaten. Now I’m realising when I’m full, but also managing to stop myself from eating more. It used to be that I would keep going until the bar/bag was finished. The thought of leaving some for tomorrow either didn’t occur or seemed like an obscene concept.

Since realising just how bad I can binge eat and figuring out how to firstly manage it, and now try and beat it I am feeling better. I know the days when I don’t beat it. I feel heavy and sickly. I’m putting so much rubbish into my system and I need to at least compensate with more water for example (drink two litres of water a day folks!). But I feel like I’m going in the right direction with it. I drink less energy drinks, try and eat less sugary snacks and snacks in general. After my evening meal I feel full now, and if I do have something I’m trying to just have a bit but I’m working on not eating if I feel full.

Tea has to have sugar in it!

I’m also thinking about the ‘when’ of eating. Too much sugar in the evenings affects sleep, which when insomnia is something you battle with you don’t really want to give it an ally. I’m trying not to eat after 9pm and with the exception of an occasional hot chocolate I try to just drink water or squash after 9pm as well. I’d like to cut this down to 8pm if I can but for the moment I want to be consistent about having that 9pm shut off.

At times I feel like I’m winning, and then I have a major setback and feel like hell and guilt trip myself for failing so hard, which then strengthens the urge to binge eat. It’s one of those vicious circle things. But I feel like I can get the balance right. Am I likely to give up sugar? no, but I can live my life without it dictating my intake of it. If I consume less sugary snacks I’ll start feeling it both physically and mentally and I’ll hopefully loose a little of the extra weight I’ve gained this last year, I’ll feel better mentally and that’s a win all around.

I don’t actually like this picture of me cause I look at it and just read my gut 😕

Good Evening, 19th of October 2021

Hey folks, how are we all doing?

I have edited 6094 words on Robert and written 283 on a connected story (that was a section of dialogue between two characters that are in this story). I’ve also finished reading through the editors notes on the zombie book and I’m going to try and get that done by the end of the month. That’s a big goal, I know. But I want to try and push and get it done before NaNo.

It felt good getting something done. It’s been difficult to get back into this but today felt good.

I am ver conscious of the fact that NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. I’m feeling pretty good for it, I’m going to go for a short story collection again this year. I feel that’s going to be the best idea at the moment. I don’t really have a novel that is ready to be worked on just yet so I think this is the best path for me at the moment.

Right, that’s it for the night. I’m going to go and watch the rest of Squid Game and then get my head down.

Rock on, folks! You guys all rock!

Good Morning! 19th of October 2021

Good morning! How are we all doing today?

Yesterday I edited 3477 words on my story Robert. It felt damn good getting stuck into some writing again. It’s been a damn sight harder getting back into the flow of work wrangling than I was expecting when I took a break last month, but with NaNoWriMo just a few days away now it’s time I really pushed to get going again,

Today’s goal is quite straight forward, finish this edit pass of Robert.

Small steps at the moment.

A little picture of the rain in my car windscreen and the lights of my works car park ☺️

I’m other very exciting news, the wonderfully talented Leah Solmaz is adapting one of my short stories into an animated short!!!!! Super excited about this and can’t wait to see the final product! It’s going to come out on Halloween. So keep your eyes open.

Status Update 13th October 2021

Good evening folks, how are we all doing tonight?

I’ve got a lot I want to get through tonight, so let’s get cracking!

The anthology K is for Kidnap came out featuring my story ‘Mother is God’ and is available in ebook and paperback. Please hit the link and check it out!

Love this cover!

The fantastic Leah Solmaz is working on an adaptation of one of my short stories! (squeeeeee!!!!!) Please go and check out Leah’s Instagram page, where you can see the intro!!! I’m super excited about this. Not only because something I’ve written is being adapted into a short animated movie, but also because its working with Leah who is a fantastic human being and damn talented as well. If you haven’t watched Theosight please check it out, I’ll add it to this post.

I have started on reading through and making notes based on the editors read of ‘Is that a zombie?’ I started then got hit with a head cold that knocked me off my feet. I focused my energy on work and matters away from writing. I’m going to get back on track with it by the weekend.

I’ve had a beta reader look at some of my longer pieces and got some excellent feedback, including that one wasn’t as polished as the other, so I need to go back and put my editing head back on to look it over.

Something I’m going to do in the next day or so is sit down and get my bearings on the different projects again. I’ve got a few which are at different stages and I’m just going to write them all down and figure where they all are.

On top of all of that we’ve got NaNoWriMo just around the corner…..

I am struggling to get back in the flow, much more then I thought I would. But it’s there, and I know NaNo will give me a massive boost and help get the words wrangled.

Good evening, 4th of October 2021

So far I’ve written a little over a 1000 words this month. It’s been harder to get rolling then I thought it was going to be.

The ideas are there, but I’m struggling to find the right hook for this next part of the mermaid story.

Today did feel better, but I still seemed to blow myself out quite quickly. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have more of that.

2nd of October 2021

Good evening, folks! How are we all doing?

I write a few words before work, but not many. I knew today wouldn’t be a high productivity day due to my shift at the day job.

I’ll do a check on how many words I wrote tomorrow.

I knew the start of this month would be slow getting going but I feel good about the direction of mermaid that I’m working on.

1st of October, 2021

Good evening, folks! How are we all doing?

My first day back writing was a slow start but I got 500 words of the Mermaid story done.

The break was good, but I’m pleased to be back at it.

Only a short post tonight, had a late shift at work so I’m a little wiped out. So a movie and then bed!

Rock on, folks!

Love this notebook. Quality paper, novel put together and it looks awesome 🙂

Good Morning, 21st of September 2021

Good morning, folks! How are we all doing this morning? I am knackered. The short of it is I’ve not slept properly for over a week now. When I do sleep its not good sleep. I more often than not wake up feeling like I’ve been in a street fight.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to take the rest of the month off from writing. I’m not writing at the moment, so this kind of feels like one of those things where I’m making an announcement that’s not going to change anything. It is though. I will guilt trip myself till the cows come how if I don’t do any writing, which just adds to my anxiety levels (which are always worse when I’m tired).

So, the vague plan is to not do any writing work till October. I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment and this’ll let me refocus my attention properly. It’ll give me time to try and catch up on sleep via naps, and not slamming myself for napping and not writing will help.

Sometimes we all need to take some pressure off ourselves. This is me doing that. I do have a lot going on, and the next ten days or so I’ve got a lot I need to focus on.

I have got a couple fantastic little irons in the fire at the moment with writing, so this isn’t because I’m feeling down about writing. It’s just something needed to give, and writing is the most flexible part of my DNA.

When I dit down again in October I’ve got NaNoWriMo to think about (YAY!!!!!), and a couple of short stories I’ll be looking to get drafts of done.

So, lots going on with writing. The passion is still there and strong, I just need a breather from it to focus on other areas of life. And not for nothing, when I get back to it in October I’ll be very reenergised.

Good Morning, Sunday 19th of September 2021

Good morning, folks!

I am awake and sat in my works parking lot just before going in to start my shift today. So thought I’d shoot out a quick post.

I’ve just been looking through my files and realised I’m not following through with my drafts. I’ll use a story called isolation as an example. I finished this in early August I think but I still haven’t done the next draft. I should of had the next draft done and then the final one done and reached out to my beta readers to see if they can look it over.

I need to sit down and make a list of what is at what stage and start getting these stories finished.

Right, I’d better get in and make a start for the day. I hope you all have an awesome day.

Good Evening, 18th of September 2021

Good evening! How’s everyone doing?

No writing today, long shift at the day job. I’ve got another one tomorrow as well, so not a lot go writing this weekend.

I have had some amazing feedback on my story that is in the K is for Kidnap anthology from another one of the contributors which has made my day! I had a lot of anxiety about this story. I didn’t think it was good enough, which is a testament to the old saying ‘never judge your own work’. That feels so apt at the moment. I’ve got to get over my anxieties about my own work.

Right, I’m wiped out. So I’m going to finish this episode of Sex Education and then get my head down. After a little reading maybe.

I will pimp out my Buy Me A Coffee page quickly. If you like what you read here, or have read and enjoyed my fiction and would like to chip in for editing, cover art, website hosting fees. Then I will be very grateful. I understand times are tough, folks. I do. But anything I’m grateful for.

Be kind, folks. Life’s better being kind.