Good Morning, Sunday 18th April 2022

It is a gorgeous sunny day out there, and I’m at my desk because I need to get some words wrangled!

My aim for today is to do my final pass on Zombie. I’ve added in the rewritten ending and have a load of notes to work through for it and then I’ll hopefully be done with it. The notes aren’t like massive rewrites or anything like that. A lot of them are notes from my editor that’ll help build the characters and the world, and have it make more sense.

I do have a video that I need to get some more work done on and I’d love to post it today, but I’m kind of bottling it at the moment. Just that self-doubt creeping in again.

My plans for my Ko-Fi page are moving along, albeit it a little slowly. I’ve almost got the first year’s worth of content lined up. I’m just going to go simple and have it as one short story a month and then with additional bits and pieces added in as and when I can. I’ll be open with what I want to do when it comes to memberships, in time I’d like to change it up a bit but for now I’m going to keep it simple.

I had a little waiting around time yesterday while I picked up a prescription, so I walked down to St.Georges church and sat in it’s grounds for a little while. It was pretty nice and calming down there. (managed to find a plot hole fix as well). It was nice just listening to the world for twenty minutes, letting my soul absorb the space.

I can be very critical of my hometown. I think it’s one of many towns that is slowly dying and one of the things keeping it alive is its proximity to London. As I walked through town yesterday I couldn’t help but look at all the flats being built. Some into every nook and cranny going, while others are being rammed into old buildings. Gravesend feels like its become a bed for the workers who travel to London each day. I don’t like this. We’re not a B&B. This town has some amazing history and I’d love to see it bloom.

Now, I don’t keep track of the politics of the town, or the mechanics of administrating a town, but I’d like to see more done to build this town that has some amazing people in it. There are so many empty shops, so much litter on the streets (the street cleaners do a great job but it’s a never ending battle for them). We need to change the mentality of those who call Gravesend home.

Right, I’m off to get some words edited. You all have a lovely day.

Good Afternoon, 13th April 2022

Howdy folks!

Today I have written about 1600 words on a short story. Added the new ending to the zombie book, and done background work on Penal Earth. I’ve also spoken to a publisher about a couple of ongoing projects that unfortunately seem to be on hold at the moment, and I’m about to look up some submission calls.

I need more days like this! I easily have the time, but my own self-doubt and anxiety get in my own way. It’s not even imposter syndrome, it’s just me self-sabotaging out of fear of the unknown. I need to get out of my own way and just do it! I know I can, I know I’ve got good stuff to get out into the world. So let’s stop fucking about and do it!

Okay, rant over. I’m off to play some GTAV while I wait for a phone call.

If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, a dream you’ve had, just go for it!

Raven ‘helping’ 🤣

Good Morning, Tuesday 22nd of March 2022

Good Morning!

I have tea, Raven is climbing over my printers while Dizzy is sitting staring at my from besides my chair. A scrap is imminent….but I’m awake. I’ve got a late shift today so I wanted to get up and get cracking early and for once it feels like I have done. There was no ‘snoozing’ of alarms. No rolling over for ‘another five minutes’ which always turned into at least another half an hour. I have an Amaranthe playlist via YouTube playing and I’m ready to get some words cracked out. I’m even dressed!

So, what’s the day got planned for me. I’d like to knock out another thousand words of zombie. I think that is very achievable. Just plug away until about midday I think and then that gives me a little time for lunch, half an hour on GTAV and a few other bits and bobs before heading off to work.

That all sounds really straight forward. It’s not. I’ll be editing as I type of the hand written draft of zombie. So I’ll be having to think on the go and I’m going to try and read the scene before I type it up so I know what point the scene is taking the story to. I am feeling quite a bit of pressure with zombie. This will be my first release and it’s got to be right. I don’t want to be that person who puts something out into the world and it’s poorly put together. Typos, spelling mistakes, bad layout, and so on. I trust my editor, she is incredibly good at what she does and I know she won’t let me embarrass myself.

They’re behaving…….for the moment……

But, I’m pushing through. I’m not letting my self-doubt stop me. I’ve had far too many months where that doubt has had me dragging my heels on writing. I know the why of this, and I’ll talk about it one day but it deserves more than a few sentences in a daily post. I know I can do this. I know it’s time to step up. And I know I keep repeating this, but that is more for myself. It’s me keeping that positivity at the forefront of my consciousness.

Self doubt, imposter syndrome, what ever you want to tag it with, is a prick. It’s a horrible feeling and one that when it takes hold it can shut me down in a heartbeat. But it will not win. It may gain ground by winning small battles but I will win the war.

Scruffy selfie!

Ko-Fi Link:

Good Afternoon, 12-3-22

Hey Folks,

How are we all doing today? I wrote about 600 words during the write in this morning. And I’ve also had a bit of a sort out of my desk this afternoon. I feel a little more organised now.

The gears are really beginning to turn at the moment and I’m getting really eager to wrap up Zombie, Penal Earth, and Black Blood. Other stories are really shouting at me and it is very much time I put these three longer term project to bed.

Right, have an awesome afternoon and evening folks. I’ve got a long day at work tomorrow so likely won’t be posting then but will be writing at some point.

28th February 2022

Good afternoon folks, how are we all doing?

I have been really struggling to get anything writing related done the last few days. Like all of us, I have a lot going on and am feeling for those in Ukraine at the moment. But I’ve got to push on and get cracking. There’s no excuses. I can take a day, but thats it. It’s not hard for me to work on writing for half an hour five days a week. This coming weekend is going to be very busy so I doubt I’m going to get that half an hour. Because, it’s not just half an hour. I’ll have a timer going to half an hour, but I’ll be getting settled beforehand. Things like getting some music going, making sure I have a drink. I might need to see to some writing housekeeping. Then there can be a little time afterwards where I’ll do what I’m doing now and writing a blog post, or making some notes for tomorrows work.

So although I set a timer for half an hour it rarely is. That’s why when it comes to days when I’m doing a nine or ten hour shift I’m not noting down on my week planner that I’ll be word wrangling that day. Or if I’ve got work and other plans I won’t be setting a writing goal for that day. That doesn’t mean I won’t be writing. I’m going to try and make more effort to write in small gaps of time that I’ve got during the day. I’ve been doing that but some of it is writing for myself. I’ve got my struggles with mental health. I’ve talked about it here before, and I’m trying to write out the things I’m trying to figure out. I’m writing it like it’s for this blog, and some of it I will be publishing here. What I’m working on at the moment I’m not going to, but some I will.

I’ve had a little therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy and those have given me some very helpful tools in how to start looking into the whys of my struggles. It’s something I’m finding hard but also quite freeing. I’m also at the start of this journey and it’s a journey that doesn’t have a destination. And I’m really cool with that. I want to keep growing as a person for as long as I am able to.

Tonight I have a writing group to go to, it feels good saying that. Covid is still there, but I think we’re getting to the point where we’re learning to live with it.

I’m going to end this post by saying that I’ve had three people who I greatly respect telling me I’ve got the ability to be in essence a working writer. This is something I need to attach to more. I let the self-doubt dominate and cripple me at times. This last week has been a good example of that. I say I haven’t written for non-writing reasons, but nine times out of ten, no matter what is happening around me stops me writing. I’ve got past that, and I know how much being productive helps me as an individual maintaining a strong level of mental health. The more I create, the stronger and more capable I am. It’s not a false sense of ability, it’s knowing I have the ability to create and make this writing game work.

Have a good week folks!

Good Evening, 7th February 2022

Hey Folks,

How are we all doing tonight?

I’m going through one of those periods where my sleep is all over the shop. So I’m working on trying to adjust my evening routine so that I hopefully get some sleep. Part of that is watching an episode of a tv show or a movie I haven’t seen before. Something that’ll relax my mind a little. I’m also hoping it’ll help me get through some of my backlog of TV shows and movies that I need to catch up on.

I’ve fallen into the rut of rewatching a lot of shows and movies I’ve seen before, so pushing me out of a comfort zone which is toxic. It is comforting to know what happens in a show, but it can also suffocate us a little because we’re not experiencing new things. We’re not feeding our souls, and as creatives it leads to us stagnating. (Some, not all of us). We need those new tales to fuel our own creativity.

That’s what I’m working on. I’ve recently watched the newest adaptation of Nick Hornby’s book, High Fidelity. Now, I’m a fan of the original film (am yet to read the book). Okay, it has its faults and has some great examples of double standards when it comes to genders. It’s still a fun watch though. When I heard that not only was it being remade but with a gender flipped main character I was curious as to how it would come out. I was a little unsure about Zoe Kravitz in the lead role, and I’ll admit those first few seconds I feared that concern was going to have truth to it. I was wrong though, as soon as she started talking I was in. She had it down, perfectly. The rest of the cast was pretty spot on, and I liked the changes they’ve made from the original movie. I will read the book one day, because it’s a story I’ve always enjoyed.

Right now though, I’m watching The Man In The High Castle. I’m about three episodes into season three, after having a couple of years away from it for a number of reasons. Which I regret. I wished I’d watched these last two seasons sooner. I enjoyed the first two seasons immensely, and so far season three is proving to be as intriguing as the previous two. It’s very different from Phillip K. Dick’s original novel, but I like what they’ve done with it.

Let’s end with a little writing update. I wrote 300 words today on the short story I’ve been working on, it’s taken a turn I wasn’t expecting and what was going to be a secondary character has become the protagonist of the piece. I’m not sure if I can weave it and the original story together, but I’m going to move forward with the intention of the original story being a part of it.

My editor wasn’t very helpful, like normal 🙄🤣

Good Morning, 20th January 2022

Good morning folks! how are we all doing today.

I managed to get 372 words written yesterday after quite a busy but good day.

I’m still working on ‘Oliver’ and I’m managing to get past scenes I’m not happy with. I’ve realised I’ve been giving up on a lot of projects when I get stuck but with Oliver I’ve been making notes as I write on whether I’m going to keep a scene or not, or even a whole storyline. At the moment with this story I’ve got a part of the plot that I think if I drop, or hold it back until later in the story, it’s going to make the suspense better, a certain plot point come out of the blue a little more. I also think it’s going to be a little different from the other stories that will be in this universe.

Zombie does need getting sorted. I’ve been putting it off and I’ve realised just how intimidated I am by it. A few months ago I was ready to rock and roll with the changes, but a lot has happened in that time that required my focus. I’m learning how to work that focus better and I’m going to be getting Zombie done (and dusted! it’s long overdue now) very soon.

I’ll be off to work soon, I’ve ticked almost everything off my to-do list which isn’t writing related, so now I’ can start writing for a little before lunch and then getting ready for work.

Please visit my Ko-fi page if you’d like to give me a small tip. All funds go towards writing expenses.

Good Evening, 17th Of January 2022

Good Evening, folks! How are we all doing?

I scratched out 120 words today during my break. I was going to do more whenI got home but I found I had a lot of little bits and pieces to sort out. Some of that was quite therapeutic though. Especially so furniture dismantling I was doing. I’m realising doing practical things is really good for my soul.

Tomorrow, there will be more practical things, but also writing. I’m off tomorrow so there will be plenty of time to be cracking on with all the bits and pieces I need to and get some words written or edited. I’m going to be looking at getting this final draft of Zombie done. I’ve had the editors notes for a long time and I need to get cracking with them. I finally have the time and the mental capacity to get those down.

I have set up a Ko-fi page. I still have my Buy Me A Coffee account, but I’ve had a few minor problems with it and wanted to set up another crowd sourcing account in case I decided to move away from BMAC some where down the line. It’s a never leave your eggs in one basket sorta thing.

Right, I’m off to watch a movie. Have an awesome evening, folks!

Good Morning 1-1-22

Good morning, folks! How are we all doing this this morning? I’d imagine there are a few sore heads surfacing from their beds, sofas, or wherever they found themselves waking after seeing the New Year in. Me, I was in bed and well off to sleep as the clock brought 2021 to an end.

I’m not really one for making a fuss of new years. When I was in my early teens my step-grandad died on New Years Eve and since then I’ve only had a couple of new years that I’ve felt were good. It has become somewhat of a time of year that I can come to dread. Some have been pretty darn awful. So I don’t really pay too much attention to them.

Dizzy doesn’t seem that interested in the fact it’s a new year.

The same could be said of New Years Resolutions. I never really saw the point in them as most people give up on them after a few weeks, and if you really wanted to change something in your life you’d just start doing it, right? Well, this year something feels different. I’ve woken up with a new determination to get my arse into gear and change a few things in my life.

The last couple of years have had a lot of change and growth for me, and I’m getting better at recognising when I need to be more proactive with making changes. I’ve known a few of these changes I’ve been needing to make recently, but I’m not someone who can just snap my fingers and make those changes. I need to let things process a little before making a start.

One of the big ones is I used to be able to get up on my days off and make a start on writing. I think back to when I was in the car trade and my one day off a week would be a Sunday and I’d get up and be working on a blog post by about 8am. If you’ve been reading my blog for more than a few years you may remember my ‘Good Morning, Sunday’ posts. Those started because I liked getting up, having a cuppa tea and knocking out a post about what I wanted to get done that day. I felt good getting up and having a good start to the day, and that more often than not led to a decent day. I’ve found if I can get a blog post written early on, or get a few words written, then it gives me a boost for the day. I feel like I’ve already achieved something for the day, which gives me a good vibe going into whatever the day holds.

My last selfie of 2021

Over the last couple of years I’ve lost my way with that, and I need to get back on track with it. And I’m starting today. This is the first time I’ve sat down and ever tried to write a blog post at this time of the day in a long time.

So although I’m not going to make resolutions, I’ve got a list of things I’m looking at being a little more proactive with improving.

Happy New Year, folks! Make it a year to remember for the right reasons.

“I’m always good, me,”

I work at a supermarket and when I’m not on the shop floor I’m on a till. When customers ask me how I am I more often than not I’ll reply with “I’m alright, I’m always good me,”

Even when I’m not okay I say it, and I’ve been thinking about this and the mindset I’ve got growing of seeing the best in life despite what I’m feeling. There are times when I’m feeling down and not as positive as I’d like to be but I still say it.

Some of that is the ‘faking it ’til I make it’ mentality. But what I’m not doing is ignoring what I’m feeling. I’m listening to my body, looking at why I’m feeling like that. This is what I’m doing for all my moods. The more I know and understand what’s going on inside of me; mind, body, soul, the lot. Then I’m going to be able to draw myself to the elements that give me the most positive experience of life.

The biggest element that I’ve noticed which affects my mental health is tiredness. So, that is one of the major parts I’m focussing on improving. I’ve started adjusting my sleep patterns a little, but I think there’s a lot I’ve got to suss out with it. At the moment I’m focussed on getting my head down earlier on nights where I have early shifts. I’m also watching my intake as the day progresses. Definitely no energy drinks after about 3pm, as little sugary snacks after about 7pm (this one I think might be a little harder). I’m trying to wind down my head a little bit as the evening progresses as well. A little less proactive mind, and a little more passive input. Movies, TV, books etc. Gaming does relax me, as does writing and blogging, but those are both pastimes that require proactive thought. Other things are more passive. I can let them enter my mind without them firing up my creative mind too much. Something proactive makes me alert, brains firing and it’s harder to let my mind rest.

Getting good sleep makes all the difficulties of life easier to manage. It makes the fog less thick.