10/9/21

Good evening, folks!

I managed to write 417 words this afternoon. I’ve put writing on the back burner this week while I’ve been off work, and focused on a lot of self-care and improvement. it finally feels like I can start opening up about a lot of things and I’m keen to keep going with it.

I will be blogging about a lot of this stuff. Not all, obviously. There’s somethings I have no intention of sharing publicly but I’ve got a lot I think I will share. Men aren’t mean to show weakness, which is bullshit. If me opening up about the struggles I’ve had in life help others feel confident enough to speak up and ask for help then it’s all worth it.

Right, I’m just settling into a movie. I’m going to try and have a ‘get shit done’ day tomorrow. Check back here tomorrow to see how I got along.

Rock on, folks!

Max not helping me write 🙄

7th of August 2021

Good evening, folks!

I didn’t get much writing done, well any writing done. I set my goals for this month and my plan for the week and then prepped for an appointment I had this afternoon.

I can announce that my short story Mother Is God is being published in the K is for Kidnap anthology from Red Cape Publishing.

This is the short story I mentioned the other day and I’m super excited to be a part of this anthology and the series overall.

Right, I’m gonna wrap it there. I’ve got a few things on but I will be finding time to write.

Rock on, Folks!

Settling in to watch The Descent last night 😊

6/9/21

Good evening folks!

How are we all today?

I wrote 852 in a story that’s got a working title of Deep End today. The words on that flowed really easily after a slow start. It was one of those mornings where I almost gave up a couple of times but thankfully I kept my butt in the chair and persisted.

The rest of the day was filled with other bits and bobs. Tomorrow I’ve got an appointment in the afternoon but before that I’m going to scratch off some of the little bits and pieces off my to do list that have been hiding there.

Overall a decent day and a good start to the week!

As soon as I’m at my desk, Dizzy is on my lap!

Working On Self-Care

This coming week I’m off from work. So I’m going to try and have a productive week. I’ve got non-writing bits and bobs to do but I’m going to have a nice few hours to get some work done. Relaxing and some self-care is a priority this week.

I’m liking where my head is. The new medication is working well and I’m feeling better than I can ever remember feeling since childhood. I’m still having rough moments, but I’m handling them and feel like I’m managing my emotions well. I’m finding doing some gaming is helping, but I’m being thoughtful and not letting it become a negative. I’m playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto V online, which used to have moments when I’d feel like screaming (normally trolls), but playing it now I’m not only not getting stressed out while playing it I’m pushing myself and exploring more of the features. I’m still not fond of doing missions but I’m getting businesses running and being proactive about making money! When I game I turn off from everything else pretty much, which I find helps once in a while.

I am planning on getting out and about, visiting places I’ve always wanted to go to but was always defeated by my anxiety. I’ve got a few hurdles in the way still, but I’m working on it.

Diet wise I’m trying to be more thoughtful about what I’m putting into my body. I’m not doing as well with my lust for sugar, but It’s something I’m conscious of. I think I mentioned in my post about hating my body about being heavier now than I’ve ever been. I know I’m not huge, but I’d like to loose a bit of weight and get back to where I was.

I do like my energy drinks a little too much, that I am pleased to say I’ve got a nice handle on. I’ll admit I had one today but that’s the first I’ve had in a few days. I’m also drinking less cola and more squash.

Getting a little fitter is a thought as well. I’m going to start walking. I’ve got some great scenery around me so why not enjoy it more. I’m sure Max the doggo wouldn’t be against this!

I’m also getting my head back into reading again. I’ve finished two books that I’ve been reading for far too long in teh last month and feel like I’m getting back into the habit nicely.

Sleep is still a struggle (overlaid and was almost late for work today!), but I’m working on sleep hygiene and making my sleeping environment much more calming.

I’d like to talk more about my mental health journey on here. Where I’m not feeling as anxious about it I feel able to open up about certain elements of it. I don’t often see men talking about mental health. I think it’s this sense that we’re seen as weak if we do, or that it’s just not done. That’s one of the reasons why I never used to talk about. Men don’t talk about their health, especially mental health. I think that’s why male suicide is so high, because we bottle it up and then we can’t take anymore and it all explodes and we can’t handle it. I’ve had brief suicidal thoughts. I say brief because I’d have the thought and then I’d immediately shut it down.

Embracing my whimsy more ☺️

Don’t be scared to ask for help. There are organisations out there to help. Like many, I can’t afford therapy but thankfully there are organisations who will provide help. Even if it’s not much, it’s a start and you’ll be surprised at how much of a difference a little help from someone who’s been trained can make. Hell, even if it’s the Samaritans it’s worth calling.

Each day is a small step. Some times its day by day, and as a friend said tonight, sometimes it’s an hour by hour. Reach out for help, speak to a friend who you trust, who will be sympathetic. Men, women, non-binary’s, don’t hold it in. It only makes it worse.

Remember, it can always get better. It just takes patience and work.

4th of September 2021

Howdy, folks! How’s everyone doing today?

I was laying in bed last night and I suddenly had a revelation on his to make my story Homestead work. So at nearly one AM this morning I wrote maybe a little shy of 200 words. I added to that before work and ended up 684 for the day.

I know where this story is going to go now, I’ve got a good idea of some of the beats to it as well. I’m looking forward to getting stuck into it and getting it done.

Right, I’m set to ease of for the day. Gonna watch a little YouTube and then do some reading.

Just started The Hollower by Mary SanGiovanni

3rd of August 2021

Good evening, folks! How are we doing today?

I’ve not got much to report tonight as I’ve been working on non-writing bits and bobs today.

The big news of the day is I’ve sold a short story! Super happy to have sold this story. I can’t give any details yet but once I can I’ll let you all know!

Right, time for dinner.

Keep plugging away folks!

Please feel free to follow me on the various social platforms on the right hand side of the screen. And if you enjoy my blog and would like to contribute towards my writing costs then please hit this link that’ll take you to my Buy Me A Coffee page.

Good Evening, 1/9/21

I set out in my post this morning to try and hit 250 words. In the end I wrote 511, and after the first 50 or so they flowed pretty damn smoothly. It’s a new story that isn’t one I’ve been thinking about it was just shot from the hip. I don’t know where it’s going, and I don’t need to know. I’m going to try not to think about it too much and just le the words carry me along.

I also began a little prep work for NaNo, as in I created the file and made some notes on a story idea I had Monday. I’m kind of tempted to go for the short story collection again. I like that format for NaNo and the story I was going to write for NaNo I’ve already started and the one I was thinking about doing I’m not sure it’s the right time to be doing it. I was going to do a rewrite but I’ve GOT TO STOP with the rewrites! I’ve got first drafts done of a few stories and I need to just go through and edit the crap out of them. There’s some good stories there and they deserve to get some proper attention. I’m a big believer in not truly growing as a writer unless others are reading your work. Well I’ve got maybe half a dozen stories of novella length that have never had another pair of eyes look at them. Time to change that.

Maybe focus on writing short stories for a while, and learn more about honing those skills while also working on these edits.

This is my problem, I’m all over the place when it comes to things like this! I think some of the problem is I’ve got three novels that I think I’ve done all I can but can’t afford to send them to an editor at the moment and I’m not sure I want to lumber my beta readers with in excess of 150,000 words of fiction in the next few months. I know if I ask them they would, but I get that anxiety hit and back off.

Speaking of which, I will just take a moment to mention my Buy Me A Coffee page. I am occasionally able to take money from my day job income to fund my writing aspirations but anything would be grateful. I don’t really post much different to Buy Me A Coffee then I do here, I use it at the moment as a way people can easily tip me if they so wish.

And I’d just like to thank everyone who takes the time to read, comment, and share my posts. I am obsessed with numbers (even though they are my nemesis!!!!!) and seeing how many people do stop by always makes me smile!

Rock on you awesome people!

Good Morning, 1st of September 2021

Hey Folks, I’m sitting here trying to write and sod all is happening. I’ve looked at the documents that I’ve been working on recently and nothing. I’ve tried getting started on a new short I’ve been thinking about, nothing. Even writing this is hard. The words just do not want to come out.

It’s been a long time since I’ve struggled like this. I know a lot of it is non-writing elements. In particular fatigue. But even then I can normally push through and get some words down.

What I’m going to try and do is get 250 words written. Thats it. Start small and start building it up. Look at it like last year when I was trying to get back into the rhythm of it all.

27th of August 2021

Good evening, folks! How are we all doing tonight?

I’ve had somewhat of a slow day after I finished work but I did get a few words written after getting other bits and pieces done.

Lovers got 432 words and Mermaid got 328 words. I’ve added a new element to Mermaid that I think gives it what it was lacking previously.

I still feel like I’m snatching words. I’m not able to get my butt down and get stuck in properly recently. I’m working on changing it up. I am working on my focus and discipline but in areas outside of writing. Hopefully I’ll be able to transfer those across to word wrangling as well.

Right, part of what I’m doing to improve focus, amongst other things, is working on sleep hygiene. And speaking of sleep, I’m off to bed.

I’ve had this for a while, finally sussing put what to put in it!

25th August 2021

Good afternoon, folks! How are we all doing today? Just a short little post today.

I’ve written 559 words today, and had a second read of a first chapter of a story a friend sent me (it’s good, folks!). I’ve also tidied up the officer, and was at work this morning so managed to get words written before work and then during my break.

I have felt a little off with writing recently, but I’m trying to refocus and get myself back on track. I’ve been writing but it feels more like I’m snatching words again and I’m not overly happy with that as I feel it’s not my best work.

Right, I’m off to get non-writing bits done. Have an epic day, folks!