EGX 2022 (Thursday)

Today I went to EGX with Stefan and Steph from Stefan’s Daily Gaming.

This was my third EGX, but my first at ExCel in London. The other two were at the NEC in Birmingham. So a much shorter drive this time.

The first thing you notice when you walk in is the vibe. Even while standing in the queue to get through security and get our lanyards there’s an electricity in the air. The three of us are adding to it, especially when Stefan sees some of the PlayStation Access team.

We got our lanyards, much better than having just a wristband. They’ve an advert for House Flipper 2, which Steph got rather excited about, and we went into the event room itself.

There’s a lot to take in when you first walk in. There are a few folks handing out leaflets. Cosplayers moving around, not as many as I was expecting, but it’s Thursday and I’d imagine the weekend will ramp it up a bit. There’s a lot of folks in some amazing outfits. While not cosplay there is a lot that are themed as well as those that are just awesome. There’s all the gaming setups right there and they go throughout the space. Off to the left and towards the rear quarter of the floor is the vender stores. This is where we go first.

Now, my cash flow like many of us is shite at the moment so I only had a small budget but I couple of little bits went for a Mystery bag that was £25. Now, what I got in it I wouldn’t necessarily have bought, but I’m really happy with what was in there and it was definitely worth the money I paid for it.

Mystery bag contents

I find I really enjoy looking around the vendors. As it’s a gaming convention most of them are gaming related in one way or another. There was a lot of anime as well, and strangely enough I noticed a lot of vendors selling pop culture themed swords at this con.

There’s a lot of people selling artwork based on video games and pop culture in general. Some of it I found mind blowing. The skill that goes into producing these pieces is amazing and I could have spent quite a chunk of money on those alone. There was a couple of DOOM ones that really caught my eye.

We explored the retro gaming section. This got the nostalgia going big time. The one that really got me was one called Dizzy Egg. Now I can’t remember if this was the exact game me and my brother had on the Sinclair Spectrum ZX as the one I saw today was on a different system. But I had a quick go, and died like four times! But it brought a big smile to my face.

We even had that joystick!

I saw StarFox, Micro Machines, Halo 2, various Super Mario Brothers and Sonic The Hedgehog games. There was a few Batman ones, one of which Stefan dived into (he’s a big Batman fan) and so many more. Aside from Dizzy Egg I didn’t really play any as others were playing them while I was circulating, and honestly my anxiety was rising.

Arcade Cabinet

Steph did wait to play House Flipper 2 and she spoke to one of the developers of the game. I’d imagine seeing people queueing up to play and talk of how much they love the game you’ve worked your arse off must be good.

Now, my anxieties did get to me a little but not like they would have done before. I didn’t have to take a moment and regulate my nerves at any point, although a couple of times I did feel a little overwhelmed.

I’m told I look happy here ☺️

It was such a good day though. I was with two of my dearest friends, and seeing how much they loved it as well made the day even better.

Still Struggling With Writing (and a big ol’ rant).

So, I’m still struggling to get my arse in the chair and get some writing done. I did write a little before work and during my break yesterday, which was a start, but I still feel like I’m slacking off.

The why of that is a mystery. I think it may be a side effect of mental health. I was a little down recently and when I get like that writing tends to be put on hold, but I can normally get back into the flow pretty easily.

Away from writing, life is good. There are some big changes coming at work, but nothing that I don’t think will have a negative effect at work or on myself.

There is a lot going on in the world though. We’ve got Ukraine, Covid, Brexit here in the UK. Raising cost of living, rise of Nazism (I refuse to call them white supremacist. They’re nazis. Simple as that).

Here in the UK we’ve got a parliament that is in disarray. Our Prime Minister had to resign and feels like he’d already checked out before his successor has been chosen (not by the population of the UK but by the Conservative membership by the way). The two people who are the candidates to succeed him are both not very inspiring and honestly, much of the same. The opposition party is weak. So we’ve got a weak government (that is allowing raw sewage to be pumped into our rivers and seas) and a weak opposition. That’s not good for this country. Which feels more like corporations are being allowed to dictate policy when it should be the government telling corporations what they can and can’t do and if the corporations don’t like it, they can fuck off!

Okay, rant over.

In regards to writing and my lack of, everything above is just bollocks! It’s all just bullshit fucking excuses that I’m using to justify my lack of work. And bullshit is what it is. Everything above should not stop me from writing. When I’m down, use those emotions in my writing (writing also makes me feel good about myself, so why wouldn’t I do it?). The state the planet is in, the shitshow that is Westminster at the moment, vent that frustration into fiction. Or even a blogpost like this.

I’ve spent most of my life hiding from the world. Hiding who I am, what I think, feel and so on. Suppressing my own fucking voice!

I

Have

A

Voice!

I need to use it. I need to put it into fiction, I need to stand up for what I believe in. (For the record, if i have a racist, sexist, just generally horrible nasty cunt of a character in fiction; that’s not my voice. That’s me creating a character who is FUCKING what is wrong with so much of this world).

Okay, I’m going to shut up now and do some writing work.

Be true to who you are. Even when it’s hard, thats when we have to be strong and stand our ground.

Laying It Out

I have not written much for the last couple of weeks. Partly because I’ve not been sleeping well and that led to a drop in my mental health. Nothing major, but writing was sacrificed so I could put more energy into family, friends, myself, and my day job. This isn’t to say I haven’t been thinking about it. I’ve solved a couple of problems I was having and I made sure to note them down.

One of the problems I’ve been fighting this last few weeks is imposter syndrome. That has hit me like a freight train. I haven’t felt this insecure about my writing in quite some time. A big part of it was finding a solution for a problem with the vampire series I’m working on. I’ve been fearing that it’ll need another huge rewrite and that dented my confidence. I don’t have the will to try and rewrite this series which has been in the works for well over a decade. I’d started working through it again last month, and got to two of the episodes and both need a lot fo work to fit into what I want to do. This led to a feeling that I would have to do that big fucking rewrite, and I’ve not looked at it since. I was torn between putting it to bed and moving onto other things. I was done. I don’t have the will to rewrite it again. A writer who is someone I have a lot of respect for keeps telling me to stop editing, and he’s right. I need to stop going over and over this shit time and time again.

But I now know how to fix it by making a few adjustments to those two stories which I felt wasn’t working. I’m a little mad at myself for not realising how to fix it sooner, because it’s such a simple fucking solution! Once those few tweaks are done I just need to go over the rest of it quickly to make sure the continuity works. Then it’ll be all but done! I do have a plan for what I want to do with this series, and not for nothing I want to move on.

Moving on includes Black Blood. This is another one that has been on and off the burner for a while. It’s one of those things where I know I can do better. To give you an example I’ve got a character who I Tell the reader is an arsehole. I know I need to show that more then telling it, and I can do it. I’ve just got to get out of my head that I’m a no good wannabe, and I can’t say I’m not until I put my work out there.

I know I can do it. I fucking know it! I NEED to get out of my own way. I’ve got to stop overthinking every single word I put down. It’s never going to be perfect, I’m never going to be happy with it. But I’m at the point where some projects I know I can’t go any further with. Like Penal Earth. Aside form one dinky little thing I need to add (literally one sentence) I’m done with it. I can’t make it any better. I need another pair of eyes on it. That’s an editor. I know who I want to send it too, but I don’t have the funds and I know they’re super busy at the moment. So I need to save the funds and send it to them when they’ve got the time of send it to another editor.

I’m gonna wrap it there, because I want to get cracking. I know what I need to do with the vampire book, so I’m gonna get it done.

Good Morning, 26th July 2022

Good Morning, I hope everyone is well.

I’ve just read through the original draft of Penal Earth which I’m gutting for Penal Earth 2. Only thirteen pages this morning but had a few bits and pieces to do around that before I settle in for the new GTAV DLC.

I feel a little chaotic at the moment, where I’ve not done much writing this last week I’ve got bits and pieces everywhere! and I need an organise. So tomorrow I’m going to get stuck in with getting the writing bits sorted after A call I’ve got in the morning.

Right, Have an awesome day, all!

17/7/22

Good evening, folks.

I was up at 6:30am and had edited 7936 words on the vampire book by 10am, amongst a number of non-writing chores.

It’s been a very warm day here in the UK. We’ve got Red weather warnings in place from the met office for heat. There’s predictions of temperatures hitting 40 degrees C over these few days. We’re not used to this here, but we love talking and complaining about the weather. So it’s all good!

The rest of the day has been very low impact. I made sure I did as much as I could yesterday after work and this morning before the temperature rose to its peak. Even the cats have done very little. I’ve not let either out, which hasn’t bothered Dizzy but normally Raven would be trying to claw her way through the windows. She hasn’t. Most of the afternoon both cats were sleeping on my bed as I did a little gaming.

Both cats chilling out on one bed is very rare.

Tomorrow I’ve got lunch planned with a friend but I don’t think I’ll be doing a lot that requires exertion. Probably writing/editing in the morning before lunch and then after, during the hottest part of the day I’ll keep it low impact like today.

Although writing has been a little slow lately I feel I’m picking up again. I have these ups and downs. They normally happen when I’m directing more energy into another part of my life than normal. But, it’s on an upward curve at the moment.

Right, I’m off to bed.

Have an awesome week, folks.

14th July 2022

Hey folks, how are we all?

I’ve eased off writing a little the last few days due to family and work taking priority. But today I’ve got stuck into editing some short stories for Ko-Fi, which means I’ve got stories scheduled for the Welcome To My Nightmare tier through the end of the year. Then next year, I’ll have something that I’ve been working on for a long time kicking off…….

In total I’ve edited 13751 words on four different stories today.

I’ve also stepped back a bit from Black Blood. I realised I wasn’t doing the deep edit it needed and was just going through the motions a bit. This tells me I’m burnt out on this story and I’m going to put it to one side for a while. I’ve got notes keep popping up in my head for it so I’ll note those down and when I get to editing it I’ll put those where they need to be.

In the meantime I’ll be working on Vampire Era as that’s the next on the schedule. I do need to make one minor addition to Penal Earth that I think will explain something a little better. It’s not a change, it’s just a small detail that I need to do a little research on, but it’ll likely be less than a sentence when I do add it.

Speaking of Penal Earth, I am in the very early stages of planning book two.

The last few weeks I have felt off pace, so I’m going to try and step it back up to the level I know gives me a decent level of productivity.

4th of July 2022

Howdy folks! How are we all doing tonight?

After going out to get my tyre sorted on my car I got home and got cracking with some editing. I worked 2526 words on Black Blood, and 4045 on a story called Trapped. That one will be going up on my Ko-Fi in August on the Welcome To My Nightmare tier.

Black Blood is going to take a fair bit of work to get it where I want it. I feel like I’m slowly sussing out what works for me as a process. After years of fuck arsing about I hope I’m getting to the point where I can get a system where I’m not only writing but getting good words down, getting work completed, and most importantly published.

I have got so much work on hard drives that just need a decent edit. Stories that I was too scared to do anything more with, or not knowing what to do with them. Maybe I was too scared to search out what to do with them.

Stop rambling, Peter.

Anyway, I’d like to get this pass of Black Blood done (as I sit here watching Predator I realise Black Blood had a little bit of a love letter to this movie and Aliens in it), as Vamp Era is calling out to me. There’s one major plot point I want to change which will fix a weak plot point and then It’ll be near done. It’ll go in the ‘waiting for funds to edit’ file on my computer.

Anyway, this is me done for the night. An early tomorrow, but also a midday finish. So back into it when I get home.

Have a great one folks.

30th June 2022

Good afternoon folks, I hope we’re all well?

Today I’ve edited 3779 on Black Blood, 238 on a flash piece called Watermelon, and 171 on another flash story called Roommate Wanted. Roommate Wanted is now live on my Ko-Fi for all supporters.

I’ve been a little burnt out this last week or so, which means I haven’t written much. So I’m playing a little catchup with things like Ko-Fi and where I want to be with Black Blood. I think I might have to print Black Blood off before I go into the next stage. I’m working through the notes I made on my last pass and have a lot of work to get it where it needs to be. It’s been A slow start but I’ll build my momentum slowly and get back on target.

That’s my writing day done, I’m going to go and start unwinding a bit before an early night as I’ve got an early tomorrow.

Rock on folks!

I quite like this one ☺️

20th June 2022

Good evening folks. Not much to report from the last few days. I’ve been writing dribs and drabs here and there. Tomorrow I’m aiming to get stuck into the next pass through on Black Blood.

I have been working on a piece about my lack of confidence but I feel like I’ve crashed and burned with it. I feel a little like I went off in about a dozen different directions with it. I might give it a little time and see how it settles.

On Friday I went canoeing with my brother and his partner. We went to Herne Bay and stayed in a patch of water protected from the sea by a break water. We’ve been tried to do this last year but were rained off. To say I stepped out of my comfort zone is an understatement, but I stayed out for about ten minutes or so and I did enjoy it despite the anxieties it was stirring up. I didn’t go out again, instead sat and wrote my thoughts down and chatted with my brother and his partner.

Despite the slapped looking face I was enjoying myself

I love the coast and want to get down there more often. Maybe not hopping in an inflatable canoe that often but getting down and enjoying the sea air is going to be good for the soul.

Right, I’m off to watch a movie and then bed. Have an awesome one, folks!