20th June 2022

Good evening folks. Not much to report from the last few days. I’ve been writing dribs and drabs here and there. Tomorrow I’m aiming to get stuck into the next pass through on Black Blood.

I have been working on a piece about my lack of confidence but I feel like I’ve crashed and burned with it. I feel a little like I went off in about a dozen different directions with it. I might give it a little time and see how it settles.

On Friday I went canoeing with my brother and his partner. We went to Herne Bay and stayed in a patch of water protected from the sea by a break water. We’ve been tried to do this last year but were rained off. To say I stepped out of my comfort zone is an understatement, but I stayed out for about ten minutes or so and I did enjoy it despite the anxieties it was stirring up. I didn’t go out again, instead sat and wrote my thoughts down and chatted with my brother and his partner.

Despite the slapped looking face I was enjoying myself

I love the coast and want to get down there more often. Maybe not hopping in an inflatable canoe that often but getting down and enjoying the sea air is going to be good for the soul.

Right, I’m off to watch a movie and then bed. Have an awesome one, folks!

16th June 2022

Howdy folks, It’s the first really blistering warm day of the year here in the UK. So obviously I’ve spent a fair chunk of it at my desk. I did spend about four hours in the garden sorting something out, and have now got a sunburnt bald spot. Lovely.

But writing wise, I’ve written 2356 words on a non-fiction piece that I needed to type up, and it’s done now. This is one of those pieces that is acting a little about self-therapy. Analysing elements of life while I try and figure myself out better. This one was about the car trade of which I spent nineteen and a half years in. I’d love to publish it, but I think I’ll hold off for a while, if ever. It’s something I’ll have to see how I feel with it.

I’ve also done one of these on confidence, well my lack of confidence. That’ll be typed up next. Before that though I’m going to start working through Black Blood again. I’ve got a lot of notes that need to be transferred into it, and hopefully this’ll be my second to last post before sending it off to beta readers.

Right, I’m off for the evening. I’ve got work tomorrow then I’m off kayaking with my brother and his partner.

Have a great one, folks!

Good Evening, 15th June 2022

Howdy folks, likely just a short one tonight.

I’ve been a little burnt out lately so I’ve put writing on a back burner for a couple of days. Today I managed to get back into it somewhat. I’ve written 122 on a new short story set in the Penal Earth universe, and I’ve just finished typing up a short story I wrote earlier in the year.

There’s a new story posted on my Ko-Fi page that is available to all supporters.

Right, I’m going to wrap it here. I’m looking forward to a day off tomorrow. I’ve got a lot to do but it’ll be nice not having to be up before 5am.

Have an awesome one, folks!

Good Evening, 8th June 2022

Good evening, folks. How are we all?

I have had a productive morning. I did a wee bit of tidying and rearranging before getting stuck into writing today. I managed 1023 words on typing up a short story that I wrote a few months ago. This afternoon I had a nap. I’ve got an early tomorrow and I never sleep well when I’ve got an early, so I’ve found that nap during the afternoon to be essential.

I posted a new flash fiction piece to my Ko-Fi tonight, please support and check it out if you’d like to.

There’s been a lot changing in my life recently, one of which is that my mental health medication was increased. I’ve been on medication for anxiety and depression for a couple of years now and with this adjustment it feels like the dosage is right.

That’s not the only element that has helped, I’ve been working on listening to my body. Whether it’s about how I feel after eating certain foods, or how something makes me feel. What the increased dosage of my medication has done is shut down the anxiety better than anything I’ve ever tried before. I was working out in our garden a few weeks ago, taking down an old shed that has long been past its use. We’re hoping to repurpose some of the sides of it, but it needed to come down. Half of the roof had collapsed and it needed to come down. As I was taking it down though I was feeling good about the task. I wasn’t hesitating in how to take it down, I was even thinking about how to make use of the space. After a good few hours of work I took a break, sat down, had a drink. I was also texting a dear friend who I was talking to about what I’d done that morning, when it struck me that I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t questioning myself in any way. I actually broke down, began crying and text my friend ‘Is this what life is meant to be like?’ she called me and said, quite simply ‘Yes’. We then talked about it, as I cried. So many fucking years living scared of the world. Some days I was fine and did enjoy life, but these were few and far between. Most days I was anxious to leave the house, mainly doing so because I had a job (that I told myself I loved, but in truth I hated it). There was so much I wanted to see and do in the world, but I was too scared too. Twenty, twenty-five years of my life gone. That day as I was sitting in my back garden talking to my friend I cried with a sort of relief at finally feeling free of the prison that my mind had put me in, but also at anger of having let myself be in that prison for most of my life.

Raven investigating my work

Male suicide rates are significantly higher than that of women. Here’s some numbers from the Samaritans. And yes, I was suicidal on a couple of occasions (Not anymore though). There is so much more to what I put myself through over my life, but I’m not going into it here, not now. Partly because I haven’t figured it all out yet. When I mention non-fiction that’s what I’m talking about. Trying to break down the why of this all. I’m slowly getting there, I’ve had some counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that has helped immensely. I’ve also opened up with my loved ones. Instead of hiding my problems, thinking it’s better not to worry them, that’s bollocks as well. Being open and honest with what I’m going through has made it easier to work through all of this. Having that support, that I’ve always known is there, has been priceless.

Ask for help, Mental Health in this country needs a major overhaul and we as a society need better education on the subject. But there are resources out there. Speak to your GP, Google mental health hotlines, there are plenty of organisations, charities, out there who are able to help. Yes there are waiting times, yes it is hard to admit to needing help. Trust me though, it’s worth it.

I still have bad days (I took a big self-esteem hit recently), but they don’t last as long and I’m able to manage my moods so much better. I listen to my body, mind, and soul. Trust me, it’s paying off. I’m happier now than I have ever been, shit, I can’t ever remember feeling this settled and capable. There’s a lot playing into that, but we need to be open to seeing it. To appreciating what we have, to loving what we have.

A self-esteem hit knocked me hard but it doesn’t now last long because I know how to rebuild myself with the help of loved ones and all that I’ve learnt.

Okay, this became a much heavier post than I was expecting it to. But too many people out there are struggling with mental health. And the amount of men who are struggling that don’t seek help because it is not what ‘men do’ is costing too many lives.

Life is amazing when we get out of our own way. From a writing point of view, I’ve been more productive in the last few months than I feel I have ever been. See, brought it back to writing.

3/6/22 – Flash Post

Evening folks, about 150 on a non-fiction piece today. I decided to have a light writing day.

The next couple of days are gonna be light as well, come next week I’ll be getting stuck in again.

A random selfie from last night, I’m struggling with self-esteem a lot at the moment. So trying to force my way through and get back to where I was a few weeks ago.

Good Afternoon, 31st of May 2022

Howdy, folks! How are we all doing?

Today I have edited 7408 words of Black Blood, adding 87 to the overall word count. That was a little bit of a slog but I got in done in about two hours or so.

I’ve also set up a few posts to go on my Ko-Fi page, including one flash piece which has gone live today. I was feeling a little behind with this so I got a few posts set up so I don’t have to worry about it too much for the next week or two. I do offer a membership in addition to one-time tips. Here I post an original short story each month in addition to bonus content. All for £1 a month!

Something I do want to touch on is that this month is the first that I have worked everyday in a very long time. For those of you who don’t know I have anxiety and depression, amongst a few other mental health bits and pieces, but my medications dosage was recently upped and I’m very much feeling it. Two months ago if I wasn’t feeling like working, I’d not. (when I say working here I mean writing. With the day job I haven’t missed a shift in a little over two years). At the moment I am working each day even if it’s just a few words while on my day job’s break. On days when I’m not at the day job I’m getting stuck into editing and making sure I get a decent start early in the morning and am normally done by midday. I’m making sure I have breakfast on these days and am getting a lot of little bits and pieces done that I’ve been putting off.

When I’m at the day job it’s a little different but I’ve found I’ve still been coming home (after a morning shift) and getting at least a little editing done. That’s normally in addition to writing something before work while sitting in my car, and during my break.

Max is waiting for me to finish so we can go play ball.

I’m feeling much more organised as well. I’m making notes on Black Blood on things like building a chapter to a conclusion to character motivations. I’m also listing what I’ve posted to Ko-Fi because knowing me I’d end up putting up the same story twice! I’m sure most people will be okay with a slight hiccup like that but people are giving me their money so I’m trying to be as efficient as possible.

I have had a hit to my self-esteem recently (I look hideous etc.) but I know how to rebuild that. I’ve done it, with help, recently and I know I can do it again.

Raven helping with editing this morning.

Life is moving in the right direction and I feel like I’m getting to the point where I can able do the things in life that I’ve always dreamt of.

Good Morning, 27th May 2022

Good morning, folks! How are we all doing today?

Yesterday I had A light day, I knew I was going to be gaming with Stefan from Stefan’s Daily Gaming so I was up and editing by 8am and got a little over 8300 words worked through.

Today will be another busy day away from writing so I’m going to be cracking on with some word wrangling later on today.

How are your creative endeavours progressing?

24th May 2022

Good evening, folks! How are we all?

I have edited 5294 on Black Blood, adding 61 words. I’ve typed up 804 words on a short story and 777 words on a non-fiction piece.

I did this over three sittings and feel pretty darn good. Black Blood really does need a lot of work, but I’m getting a good feel of what I’ve got to do to get it where I want it to be.

My boss is done with my shit for the day 🤣

I was gonna write a longer post tonight, but tiredness has just smacked me upside the head so I’m gonna call it a night.

Been a while since I’ve needed a third A5 page for my monthly word counts (April 2021 being the last).

Please check out my Ko-Fi where supporters can do a one time tip or a monthly membership.

18th of May 2022

Good Evening, folks! How are we all doing?

This morning I edited 8510 of a short story that will be posted on my Ko-Fi next month. It wasn’t something that needed a deep edit, just a once over to make sure there wasn’t anything that I’d missed and I needed to make a couple of tweaks that’ll bring it in line with something else I’m working on 😉

This is becoming Dizzy’s spot. She’s gonna be annoyed once that bits done and new flowers are planted!

After that I went out and cracked on with a job in the garden that took a fair chunk of time, I was going to do a little more writing work afterwards but I had a nap!

Raven found me taking an old shed down very interesting.

I felt a little bad for not doing more writing, but not as bad as I used to feel when this sort of thing had happened in the past. Something I’m thinking about a lot is balance. Tomorrow I’ve got an early and I know I’m not going to sleep great tonight. So the nap this afternoon will hopefully balance out any sleep I don’t get later on.

Always time to punt the ball for this great doggo

Right, you lovely people. I’m off to watch Alien Vs. Predator while I nod off. Night all!

I Had A Plan!!!!

My plan was to get up at about 8am. I don’t need to be in work for an early today and I had no other reasons to get up early. So I set an alarm for 8am, which is a lay in for me, and settled in for what I was hoping would be a good nights sleep. It didn’t start well when Max did his guard dog duties and after I checked the house, garden and so forth I decided to let him sleep upstairs for the night. That did the trick and he settled down, and only tried to get on the bed once.

Then, at 5am Raven woke me up by trying to knock items out of my window (could you be any more cliched, Raven?). I removed her from the window and put her on the bed with a “really?” that she paid no attention to.

She jumped off and Max decided to it was time to play with Raven. She wasn’t interested and smacked him on the nose and jumped back in the window. Can you guess what she was doing? I repeated the earlier removal method and this time she ran off down the landing.

Flash forward to a little after 6:30am and I heard something that broke me out of my slumber to find Max with his head on my bed, he had the look that all people with a dog knows. So I let him out. It was this moment that I knew it was time to get up because I was awake.

So y’all get a blog post! 😀 It’s been an amusing morning with Dizzy being the only one of the furry family that didn’t wake me (although she tried to sit on the keyboard as I’m writing this post).

Have an absolutely awesome day, everyone! Here in my part of the UK the sun is shining and I’m going to go out and do some garden work in a bit, I might even sit out there and do some writing.