Good Evening, 8th June 2022

Good evening, folks. How are we all?

I have had a productive morning. I did a wee bit of tidying and rearranging before getting stuck into writing today. I managed 1023 words on typing up a short story that I wrote a few months ago. This afternoon I had a nap. I’ve got an early tomorrow and I never sleep well when I’ve got an early, so I’ve found that nap during the afternoon to be essential.

I posted a new flash fiction piece to my Ko-Fi tonight, please support and check it out if you’d like to.

There’s been a lot changing in my life recently, one of which is that my mental health medication was increased. I’ve been on medication for anxiety and depression for a couple of years now and with this adjustment it feels like the dosage is right.

That’s not the only element that has helped, I’ve been working on listening to my body. Whether it’s about how I feel after eating certain foods, or how something makes me feel. What the increased dosage of my medication has done is shut down the anxiety better than anything I’ve ever tried before. I was working out in our garden a few weeks ago, taking down an old shed that has long been past its use. We’re hoping to repurpose some of the sides of it, but it needed to come down. Half of the roof had collapsed and it needed to come down. As I was taking it down though I was feeling good about the task. I wasn’t hesitating in how to take it down, I was even thinking about how to make use of the space. After a good few hours of work I took a break, sat down, had a drink. I was also texting a dear friend who I was talking to about what I’d done that morning, when it struck me that I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t questioning myself in any way. I actually broke down, began crying and text my friend ‘Is this what life is meant to be like?’ she called me and said, quite simply ‘Yes’. We then talked about it, as I cried. So many fucking years living scared of the world. Some days I was fine and did enjoy life, but these were few and far between. Most days I was anxious to leave the house, mainly doing so because I had a job (that I told myself I loved, but in truth I hated it). There was so much I wanted to see and do in the world, but I was too scared too. Twenty, twenty-five years of my life gone. That day as I was sitting in my back garden talking to my friend I cried with a sort of relief at finally feeling free of the prison that my mind had put me in, but also at anger of having let myself be in that prison for most of my life.

Raven investigating my work

Male suicide rates are significantly higher than that of women. Here’s some numbers from the Samaritans. And yes, I was suicidal on a couple of occasions (Not anymore though). There is so much more to what I put myself through over my life, but I’m not going into it here, not now. Partly because I haven’t figured it all out yet. When I mention non-fiction that’s what I’m talking about. Trying to break down the why of this all. I’m slowly getting there, I’ve had some counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that has helped immensely. I’ve also opened up with my loved ones. Instead of hiding my problems, thinking it’s better not to worry them, that’s bollocks as well. Being open and honest with what I’m going through has made it easier to work through all of this. Having that support, that I’ve always known is there, has been priceless.

Ask for help, Mental Health in this country needs a major overhaul and we as a society need better education on the subject. But there are resources out there. Speak to your GP, Google mental health hotlines, there are plenty of organisations, charities, out there who are able to help. Yes there are waiting times, yes it is hard to admit to needing help. Trust me though, it’s worth it.

I still have bad days (I took a big self-esteem hit recently), but they don’t last as long and I’m able to manage my moods so much better. I listen to my body, mind, and soul. Trust me, it’s paying off. I’m happier now than I have ever been, shit, I can’t ever remember feeling this settled and capable. There’s a lot playing into that, but we need to be open to seeing it. To appreciating what we have, to loving what we have.

A self-esteem hit knocked me hard but it doesn’t now last long because I know how to rebuild myself with the help of loved ones and all that I’ve learnt.

Okay, this became a much heavier post than I was expecting it to. But too many people out there are struggling with mental health. And the amount of men who are struggling that don’t seek help because it is not what ‘men do’ is costing too many lives.

Life is amazing when we get out of our own way. From a writing point of view, I’ve been more productive in the last few months than I feel I have ever been. See, brought it back to writing.

Good Evening, 7th June 2022

Howdy folks, how are we all?

I had a later start to my working day than normal, starting at 10am and not 6am like most mornings. So I got up early and cracked out 837 words on typing up a short story I wrote a couple of months ago. I also wrote some words on a non-fiction piece during my break.

This evening I’ve updated some details on my Facebook Page and have a lot planned for tomorrow. Need to do a little spring cleaning and I really want to get a good dent in typing up this short story as well. I want to get that done before I go back to Black Blood.

Right, I’m going to watch a movie. I hope you all have a good night, folks 🙂

Good Afternoon, 31st of May 2022

Howdy, folks! How are we all doing?

Today I have edited 7408 words of Black Blood, adding 87 to the overall word count. That was a little bit of a slog but I got in done in about two hours or so.

I’ve also set up a few posts to go on my Ko-Fi page, including one flash piece which has gone live today. I was feeling a little behind with this so I got a few posts set up so I don’t have to worry about it too much for the next week or two. I do offer a membership in addition to one-time tips. Here I post an original short story each month in addition to bonus content. All for £1 a month!

Something I do want to touch on is that this month is the first that I have worked everyday in a very long time. For those of you who don’t know I have anxiety and depression, amongst a few other mental health bits and pieces, but my medications dosage was recently upped and I’m very much feeling it. Two months ago if I wasn’t feeling like working, I’d not. (when I say working here I mean writing. With the day job I haven’t missed a shift in a little over two years). At the moment I am working each day even if it’s just a few words while on my day job’s break. On days when I’m not at the day job I’m getting stuck into editing and making sure I get a decent start early in the morning and am normally done by midday. I’m making sure I have breakfast on these days and am getting a lot of little bits and pieces done that I’ve been putting off.

When I’m at the day job it’s a little different but I’ve found I’ve still been coming home (after a morning shift) and getting at least a little editing done. That’s normally in addition to writing something before work while sitting in my car, and during my break.

Max is waiting for me to finish so we can go play ball.

I’m feeling much more organised as well. I’m making notes on Black Blood on things like building a chapter to a conclusion to character motivations. I’m also listing what I’ve posted to Ko-Fi because knowing me I’d end up putting up the same story twice! I’m sure most people will be okay with a slight hiccup like that but people are giving me their money so I’m trying to be as efficient as possible.

I have had a hit to my self-esteem recently (I look hideous etc.) but I know how to rebuild that. I’ve done it, with help, recently and I know I can do it again.

Raven helping with editing this morning.

Life is moving in the right direction and I feel like I’m getting to the point where I can able do the things in life that I’ve always dreamt of.

28/5/22- Flash Post

About 2400 words edited first thing this morning. I got cracking early as working with words always sets me up for a good day when I get some done early, and I had plans today.

I’m wiped out now though, simply because I had the worst nights sleep I’ve had in a good two months. So it’ll be an early one for me.

Rock on, folks!

Good Evening, 21st May 2022

Hello!!! How are we all doing this evening?

I knew I had a busy day, but I decided to get up about eight am and get cracking. My body had other ideas and I ended up being up and about a little after six am. So I got cracking.

I wrote 321 on a non-fiction piece. This was done slowly as I woke myself up a little, and then I got cracking with getting the house tidied. Getting up early meant I was done with the chores a lot sooner than I would have been and it gave me time to get some work on Black Blood edited. I did one chapter that was 1952 words and added 641 words to it. This one is really going to take a lot more editing than I thought. I’d given myself a false sense of how easy it would be after flying through that final pass of Penal Earth.

I posted my first published story to my Ko-Fi this evening. It’s available to monthly subscribers and folks who give a one time donation.

Tomorrow will offer little time to write, but I’ll try and get some words wrangled at some point during the day. Next week I’ve got a little time off so I’m hoping to put some decent time to Black Blood and put a good dent in it.

Right, I’m off for the night. I hope you’re all having an awesome weekend.

18th of May 2022

Good Evening, folks! How are we all doing?

This morning I edited 8510 of a short story that will be posted on my Ko-Fi next month. It wasn’t something that needed a deep edit, just a once over to make sure there wasn’t anything that I’d missed and I needed to make a couple of tweaks that’ll bring it in line with something else I’m working on 😉

This is becoming Dizzy’s spot. She’s gonna be annoyed once that bits done and new flowers are planted!

After that I went out and cracked on with a job in the garden that took a fair chunk of time, I was going to do a little more writing work afterwards but I had a nap!

Raven found me taking an old shed down very interesting.

I felt a little bad for not doing more writing, but not as bad as I used to feel when this sort of thing had happened in the past. Something I’m thinking about a lot is balance. Tomorrow I’ve got an early and I know I’m not going to sleep great tonight. So the nap this afternoon will hopefully balance out any sleep I don’t get later on.

Always time to punt the ball for this great doggo

Right, you lovely people. I’m off to watch Alien Vs. Predator while I nod off. Night all!

25th April 2022 – Flash Post

I’ve written a quick 442 words tonight on a non-fiction project. I’ve slacked off a lot the last couple of days with writing, but I’m going to try and get cracking on it all again this week. I’ve got a little time off this week so I’ll have the time to properly get stuck into some work.

I did email off the final draft of the zombie book for my editor to have one last look over it. I’m scared I’ve cocked it up, but I’ll just have to wait and see what she thinks.

Right, I’m off for the night. I’m going to watch a couple episodes of Pacific Rim:The Black and then get off to bed.

Good Morning, 20th April, 2022

Howdy folks! How are we all doing?

I didn’t get anything written yesterday but today I’ve written 2046 words, which wrapped up the 2nd draft of a short story I wrote a few months ago. I think it’s helped having it resting for that time and it feels like I’ve improved it as I’ve typed it up.

What’s next is doing these final few tweaks to Penal Earth before sending it off to an editor. I’ll also be typing up another of the short stories I’ve written this years as well as working on the one I’ve just started.

I did make a ‘day in the life of a writer’ video recently, but it’s a mess and I’ve lost my confidence with it, so it’s scrapped. I would like to give it another try in the future though and I’ve learnt a fair bit about the process.

Look at that smug little face. No guilt at all for just sticking a claw into my leg! 🙄🤣

Right, I’m done with writing for the day now, well I may do some little bits later on but I’m quite content with what I’ve done today.

Have an awesome day, folks!

Good Morning, Sunday 18th April 2022

It is a gorgeous sunny day out there, and I’m at my desk because I need to get some words wrangled!

My aim for today is to do my final pass on Zombie. I’ve added in the rewritten ending and have a load of notes to work through for it and then I’ll hopefully be done with it. The notes aren’t like massive rewrites or anything like that. A lot of them are notes from my editor that’ll help build the characters and the world, and have it make more sense.

I do have a video that I need to get some more work done on and I’d love to post it today, but I’m kind of bottling it at the moment. Just that self-doubt creeping in again.

My plans for my Ko-Fi page are moving along, albeit it a little slowly. I’ve almost got the first year’s worth of content lined up. I’m just going to go simple and have it as one short story a month and then with additional bits and pieces added in as and when I can. I’ll be open with what I want to do when it comes to memberships, in time I’d like to change it up a bit but for now I’m going to keep it simple.

I had a little waiting around time yesterday while I picked up a prescription, so I walked down to St.Georges church and sat in it’s grounds for a little while. It was pretty nice and calming down there. (managed to find a plot hole fix as well). It was nice just listening to the world for twenty minutes, letting my soul absorb the space.

I can be very critical of my hometown. I think it’s one of many towns that is slowly dying and one of the things keeping it alive is its proximity to London. As I walked through town yesterday I couldn’t help but look at all the flats being built. Some into every nook and cranny going, while others are being rammed into old buildings. Gravesend feels like its become a bed for the workers who travel to London each day. I don’t like this. We’re not a B&B. This town has some amazing history and I’d love to see it bloom.

Now, I don’t keep track of the politics of the town, or the mechanics of administrating a town, but I’d like to see more done to build this town that has some amazing people in it. There are so many empty shops, so much litter on the streets (the street cleaners do a great job but it’s a never ending battle for them). We need to change the mentality of those who call Gravesend home.

Right, I’m off to get some words edited. You all have a lovely day.

Good Afternoon, 15th April 2022

Howdy folks! How are we all doing today?

I had a slightly earlier start than normal today for the day job, add in a bad nights sleep and I’m feeling quite knackered right now. But I have got some words down today. I wrote 423 on a short story that I started today, and then this afternoon I’ve written 322 on one of the short stories that I wrote earlier in the year.

I’ve also been working on a ‘day in the life’ type video that I’m going to try and cut together and post later on today. I’ve also got some writing admin to do before I wrap up for the day.

I’m getting a little short on time so I’m going to leave this here. I’ve got Sunday off so I’m planning on diving into the zombie book then.

Have a great weekend, folks!