*These are my thoughts and feelings and not that of anyone or organisation outside of myself*

Earlier this year I informed my fellow Municipal Liasions(ML) for my region that I was standing down as an ML.

I stepped down mainly because I felt I had never stepped up into the role like I’d always wanted. In the five years I was ML there was always an outside factor that derailed my attempts at building the region back up to what it was. Covid was a key factor, but then was personal matters, last November for example I had got dumped and that all but ended NaNoWriMo for me for the month. It was like that every year, something would come along and derail me. Aside from this last year I felt I wasn’t getting any traction. I organised four or five write-ins, including one that I had to travel about an hour to get to, and only one of them had anyone attend. Then all the allegations about minors being at risk in the forums came out and it changed the entire tone of the month. People shut down their profiles en masse and it became almost a feeling of trying to support those who were still writing while the NaNo board began their investigation.

Now, I was also dealing with the mental health fallout of having that relationship end so I lost track of a lot of the details of what was going on. And between then and a few weeks ago I’d fallen out of the loop fully. It’s only been the conversations that my regional MLs have been having that made me aware of what a nightmare it appears to have become. From poor communication to a liability contract that would include ML’s, who are volunteers, to give over numerous personal details for checks to a company that has a questionable history. That contract also appeared to put any responsibility onto MLs regardless of what happened in forums and other online spaces.

NaNoWriMo also seems to require any non-nanowrimo spaces to have any connection to the organisation removed. So Facebook Groups or Discord servers for example. Considering how unfit for purpose the NaNo forums are (and how dead some of them are), and how essential Discord had been for my region for example during lockdown, this was going to limit engagement even more than I’d noticed was going on.

This is really quite heartbreaking for me in a lot of ways. I’d been doing NaNoWriMo for a couple of years but had never really engaged in the community. But after a breakup in 2013 I think it was I went to an event and met some of the other writers in the area and that became a regular thing. Over the years I made some amazing friendships and connections that spread into other ares of the business. One of those connections lead to the Sparks anthology that had my first published story in. So I’ve got a lot to thank NaNo for, and seeing it falling apart like this is horrible. I’d been having doubts about being an ML for the last couple of years. It’s one of those things that once I was inside it a little and saw some of the moving parts of it I lost a little passion for it.

As I said earlier, I never stepped up in the way I wanted to as an ML. It’s the same as why I don’t want to step into a managerial position at work. I don’t think I’d be able to step up in the way that I’d want to. When I was at school it was always mentioned by teachers that I was a leader. Looking back, I’m not sure, but I also take into consideration how much was knocked out of me in the years in the car trade. That time for me has passed.

I look at NaNoWriMo now and hope to dear god it its sorted out in a way that there will be MLs come November. They are the lifeblood of NaNoWriMo. Without them it will not work even close to how it should do. Right now it feels like they’re being sidelined for raising concerns, which to me means the ones that’ll be left are the ones who are desperately trying to save NaNo, or the ones who will abuse the power they think they have.

What I’ve written here is all opinion. I haven’t looked into it in the depth I should have done, and I’m screaming into the void. But if someone from NaNoWriMo HQ sees this, please change the direction the organisation is heading. It’s on life-support right now, but time is running out to save it from becoming a shadow of its former self.