13th August 2018

Just a really quick little post before I get off to sleep. I’ve written 540 words today. A few words here, a few there and boom! A decent word count for a busy day.

If you scroll down my feed you’ll see a post I reblogged from The Horror Show With Brian Keene where the guest was Matt Hayward. Hearing his story was really fucking eye opening and inspiring. It really got me thinking and I really need to up my game. I need more determination and focus. I do get these things but I loose them easily so I’m going to focus on keeping them. The way I’m going to start is with a simple and small list of five things I want to do this week. I won’t list them here, simply because it’s late and I’ve not got it to hand, but these five things are very achievable if I keep my head.

So that’s what I’m doing.

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A Little Fear and a lot of Frustration

Frustration: I found it really hard to get the motivation to get going tonight. Again, it was a case that once I’d done all of the little bits and pieces that I needed to do once I’d gotten home it was gone 8pm before I had even turned my iMac on. It’s this frustration at not being able to get a good start that really bothers me, but a late start can also be a blessing. Knowing I haven’t got much time to write means I have to focus more and make the most of that limited time. Tonight for example, I’ve managed to write 1400 words in about 50 minutes. Would I have done that if I’d had another hour? Probably not. Last night I had a little more time to write and I only wrote 97 more words and that took me 20 minutes longer. So maybe I need to accept that some nights I won’t be able to start writing till later and that may be a better thing. (and staying off Facebook helps too).

Fear: This little bit of fear I had tonight snuck up on me as I was pouring myself a glass of cola just before coming up to start writing and it was the fear of thinking I won’t hit my target of 30,000 words by January the 1st. Being struck by this fear was very irrational for two reasons. The first is that it doesn’t matter too much if i don’t hit 30k by the 1st. I’ve no deadline set by someone else to hit. It’s a deadline that I set myself. Secondly is that it is the 17th of December and as of tonight I have written 19,415 words this month. That means I’m 2415 words ahead of target (target was 1000 words a day) and even if I only write that 1000 words a day till the end of the month I’ll still hit target.

I don’t know where this fear come from tonight. Perhaps its seeped over from other, non writing, elements of my life. I don’t know. Maybe this is just part of the process, little pins of self-doubt jabbing at me when I’m not actually writing. When I am writing, that’s when things seem to make a little more sense.

A Failed Target

I didn’t hit my 2000 word target last night, I was well short and hit 800. It was a pretty good 800 words though. I got a lot of character work done and I was held up by the fact I needed to clarify a few details with Owen before I could carry on. I had a couple of everyday life hold ups too which didn’t help and were unavoidable. So come
Sunday I’ll be looking at making up the difference, although I’m tempted to take my laptop to work and do some during my lunch break which is what I was doing during NaNo.

On another note a good friend of mine commented that my spelling and grammar on here needs work. I’d like to think that it’s only my iPhone posts which have these faults but if it’s not, never mind. My fiction gets edited by a different friend, this does not. If u do see any typos though, please feel free to point them out 🙂 lol