Howdy Folks, how are we all doing?

The last few weeks I’ve struggled with anxiety. It’s been creeping in and out of my day to day life and generally sucking the energy out of me. I’ve known it’s been high for a while, but each little thing I’ve tried to snap myself out of it has not worked. I think a lot of it is fatigue, I’ve not slept well the last month or so. When I do sleep I wake up feeling more tired than I went to sleep, or I don’t sleep at all and maybe only nodding off an hour or so before I need to wake up. Then I end up napping after I’ve got home and this leads to a lack of sleep that night. Making an irritating cycle.

I’ve got camomile tea, which does help. So does watching a movie. Sometimes it’s something I’ve not seen and other times it’s something I’ve seen a million times. All depending on my mood that evening.

Today for example, I overlaid and then haven’t done a lot. In part because I’ve exhausted myself between work and a couple of things at home. In particular a large piece of furniture I put together, that sucked more energy out of me than I’d realised.

What also spikes my anxiety is changes in my safe spaces. A big one was the item of furniture I mentioned. Long term its something that is gonna be great. But short term I’ve got to get used to the change in dynamic of that space.

This is the same for any changes in my safe spaces, and because of the disruption this new piece has caused means my other space is disrupted. So tomorrow, after work, I’m going to get these two spaces organised and how I need them to be. This will not only help with my anxiety but it’ll help me get back into writing properly as well as my desk is unaccessible to me at the moment.

This does tie into my recent post about fear stopping me from getting things done, and the fantastic Leah Solmaz posted this today which I think looks at that brilliantly as well. So please check it out.

So, what else am I going to do to get my head a little more level? Once the rooms are done tomorrow it’ll help, but I’m going to watch The Menu tonight once I’ve washed up and had a shower. Then tomorrow I’m going to have a shave, I’m not exactly Grizzly Adams but I don’t like having stubble like this. My hair is longer than it has been for a long time, and I’m really tempted to let it grow. Normally when I think like this the moment it starts growing over my ears I get annoyed and get it cut. But I’m also conscious of the fact that I have a receding hairline, and a large bald spot. Will I look silly? Will I look like i’m just trying to hide it? I need to get away from that mentality. It’s a load of bollocks and it doesn’t matter what I look like. If I’m comfortable then who gives a shit?

I’m going to try a few mindful exercises as well, and get back to journaling. Building a to-do list is something I’m going to try again, and find a way to stick to daily planning. I see the benefits of it at work, and I need to transfer that to my personal life.

I have the ability and drive to reach the goals of the things I want to do, I need to get past the anxiety and fear again. Last month felt like I was smashing it, this month has felt like I’m fighting just to get out of bed again.