Anyone else awake? Or is it just me whose awake when I should be well off into the land of nod.

This is the first serious hit of insomnia I’ve had for a few weeks now, and I can normally work out why I can’t sleep but tonight, I’ve got no idea.

So, what do I do when I can’t sleep? Well sometimes I just lay and try and let myself drift off. Mostly I’ll pop a movie on I’ve seen a thousand times and see if that’ll help me drift off (Tonight it’s the original Resident Evil), on the very rare occasion I’ll do a bit of gaming, but that is rare. Sometimes I’ll do some writing, which I think I’ll be doing once I’ve written this. Unless this wipes me out.

This time of the night does cause some deep thinking, soul searching you could say. Or it could be thinking about why my shin is itching.

I do have quite a bit going on that I don’t discuss here, but that’s not really much sleep issues recently. Work is work. I enjoy my job a lot, even if I every other customer mentions the weather!

I mentioned in a post yesterday (I think) that I had a lot of thoughts running around my head with writing projects. That is still the case but aside from one random story that I’ve had an idea for I’ve not really been struck with thoughts of fiction. So that’s not keeping me up.

It could just be an overload. Sometimes I get struck with anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere. Like I’m always feeling anxious to a degree but sometimes I think when it’s not too harsh and just kind of in the background then it builds up without me knowing it and when I get my head down that’s when it comes to the surface. It’s not really one thing that is playing on my mind, just a heightened level of anxiety. It’s really hard to explain, especially when it’s silly o’clock and I SHOULD BE ASLEEP!

Maybe its a sort of anxiety bleed off? My mental health has been fairly steady for a while now. I did have quite a sharp downturn a few months ago but since then I’ve felt pretty good generally. There have been moments where I have really struggled, and I am on a therapy waiting list, but with the help I’ve had previously giving me a toolset to recognise when I’m struggling, and having a strong support network, I’ve been able to keep myself on a decent level. Something I’ve been doing a little more, not as much as I should, is journalling. I’ve tried writing in a dairy before but I’m not consistent with it. Since I’ve been using one of my (many) notebooks I’ve been able to open up more. I feel less restricted by page size for example, it lets my thoughts flow more naturally.

The hardest part of mental health is asking for help after you’ve realised that it’s needed. Even now, having had positive experiences it’s still hard saying, ‘I’m struggling at the moment,’ Far too often I’ll think that I’ll be okay tomorrow, or people don’t want to hear my problems. But friends do, there are mental health organisations out there that will help you. Even if you have to wait, you can still call them if you are really struggling. Your GP is always there as well. There’s a cliche that doctors don’t want to know, but in my experience, they have been nothing but supportive. Mental health is still a taboo for a lot of people, and I know there’s a lot of work to be done for it to be more accepted as part of life. We all have health problems with our minds, even if it’s very lowkey.

Okay, I’m done rambling now. I can feel my eye lids getting heavy and I’m gonna try and get some sleep.