These last two weeks I have done nothing, well aside from playing GTAV. No writing, no editing, no research, nothing. Why have I done nothing? I’m not really sure if I’m honest. I think it may have been a collection of different things that knocked me off my stride. Editing on Earth, After Liberation was not moving that well. I’m at a stage where I had left a large gap in time and I decided to fill in the details about what happened in that time period, I’ve made a right pigs ear of it and although I was going to keep what I have written in this part I am now going to scrap it and start again as I have a better idea of what I want to put into this part.
When I went to start editing on the Monday the 20th (Jan) I turned on my laptop to find a message that our anti-virus software was not there. It was part of our internet providers package we had but we upgraded the package and the person we dealt with on the phone did not inform us of this. So instead of writing I spent two hours setting up a new anti-virus service and loading it onto two laptops. It was not a smooth process and much verbal abuse was directed at the laptop.
The next night I found I had no desire at all to write. Now I often feel like this but can force myself to sit in the chair and start writing but this time I couldn’t even do that, so I played Xbox and did so for almost every night until tonight.
I realised quickly that I had no desire to do anything so I decided to have the rest of the month off. In this time I’ve not been well, nothing that I’m going to go into any detail about as its not important. I still went to work everyday but I was not ‘Me’ For the first time in a very long time I did not feel myself. Normally when I’m unwell I’m a little subdued but I’m still me but the last two weeks I wasn’t myself at all, even to the point where I caused Tracie (my amazing girlfriend) worry because she could see that I wasn’t myself. It was only Wednesday that I slowly started to feel better. Thursday I was much better but it’s only been today that I have felt like ‘Me’ again.
What’s next? Back to Earth, After Liberation. Get that edited then to work on Project Apollo with Owen Arnold (we had a brainstorming tonight), edit’s on short stories that are awaiting my attention and probably The Residents with Chrystalyn Hope. I have had Avoiding The Game bugging me a little this last week but that’s not going to be looked at for a while. Again, I’m not giving any dates or time frames here as I’ll probably miss them by miles.
2 thoughts on “Not Being ME”
I’m right there with you. Two weeks ago I felt like procrastinating garbage. My work life had taken a really negative turn (which has partially recovered now), my writing felt like I was pulling teeth and I had no real idea why, and I felt a huge pressure to edit-edit-edit because I had set a goal to get my book indie published in March. What I ended up doing was taking a slight step back, thinking hard about what I was ultimately trying to accomplish.
I write not because I want to make money (though that’s a nice perk), not because I want to be lauded for being awesome (though that does feel good when it happens), and not because I feel like the world “deserves” to see my writing (holy crap what hubris that is). I write because I enjoy the process of crafting worlds, of telling the stories of characters. Even if when all is said and done no one reads what I write, the fact that it exists and can be read is enough in my mind.
I like you mentality Sir 🙂 that is why I write as well. I’m hoping this break has helped and when I start back on the edits tomorrow it won’t be quite as difficult as it was.