Good afternoon folks, how are we all doing this evening?

Last night I was very despondent with myself. I’ve fallen into this rut that I couldn’t seem to snap myself out of and that was one of many things that was keeping me awake. I sent a message to two dear friends venting how I was feeling in that moment. I’ve always felt like I can do so much more, like there’s another level that I can climb to and start achieving many of the things I know I can. Both on a larger scale, like getting this stories written but also on a daily basis. The last few days, and many overall, feel like writing is the hardest things I can do. That’s because it’s scary, anxiety kicks in fuelling the fear of failure of doing something wrong when what is wrong? What is failure? Is no one buying my book worse than not publishing it? No, it’s not. If no one buys it, fair enough, but it’s giving people the chance to experience my art. I can look at it and say, it’s there. I need to silence that bloody voice of doubt that has dominated my life for as long as I can remember.

Today, I’ve done about four hours work. That is 1832 new words written, 4998 words edited, and some research. I did the bulk of the new words, 1342 words, in the early hours of the morning. Sleep has been erratic to say the least the last few days, and I had a particular scene from a story that’s been waiting to be worked on for a long time. Those 1300 words flowed effortlessly, and I don’t know how many will last till the final draft but it was so good to get those words out. It also fuelled my determination to get some work done today. Four hours isn’t the most work I could have done today, but I went and had a coffee with a friend, I did game for a couple of hours and I’ve done a few other bits and pieces. I also have an early tomorrow so I’l be getting my head down soon.

This has felt like a day that shouldn’t be an exception. This should be a regular occurrence, even if it’s just once a week on my day off. It should be a mindset I have. I’m a writer, I have tales to share. The only bloody thing stopping me is me! Today has proved I can overcome that, so lets build and move forward.